Monday, August 31, 2009

Vulnerability

Sometimes I sit here in front of my computer screen and I have a blank mind. I don't know what to write. So I sit. And wait. Sometimes I walk away, and sometimes I cannot keep up with my thoughts.

Today, I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of being so vulnerable in a public forum such as my blog. Wondering sometimes if being as transparent as I have with the emotions that come with the preparation in moving across the world is a good idea.

Then I remember the stories we heard last fall of the kids that were orphaned as a result of the LRA invading their homes and slaughtering their families. I remember the tears poured out as a young boy recalled he had to tie babies to trees and whip them until they died as part of the initiation process of the LRA.

I remember the children I have placed in foster care because their families did not have a support system or money to care for their mental health properly and as a result, their chilren suffered.

Then I remember this is why I blog. Because these stories need to become something of the past and not the current headlines.

Maybe the vulnerability is okay. I want you to know that this journey is not easy. We have tough days. We cry. We laugh. We have joy. We are scared. Really scared. There are so many unknowns at this point.

What if we don't go to Kenya? I trust that this journey we are on is not ours-it's God's journey laid out for us. All we have to do is take the next step. Step. Step. Right? If this journey inspires others to invest in the life of a child-in our community, across the world, then it's worth it.

But I do know something. I know that my God is bigger than these problems. I know He has a plan for each life that is created. Sometimes there are hard questions that go unanswered. Like, why do children have to suffer like they do today?

I may never know. But I do know that I serve a God who loves those suffering children. I know a God that can use us to bring relief to some of the suffering. I know a God that wants to use me-to know me from the inside out.

TJ and I have been praying for many things. One of the things is that we would stay united in this journey we are on. It is long, tumultuous and there are days we feel like throwing in the towel. We also pray that God would help us lose ourselves in this process. It's not about us. It's not about how much good we can do. It's about us wanting to be like Jesus in this process. It's about us dying to ourselves each day and asking God "WHAT IS IT YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY".

Today was a sweet day. Almost too good. Today I had an interview with a local magazine who wants to share about what God is doing with our family. It was pretty awesome to share with these three women how this "Kenya spark" started, how TJ and I met and what's next.

One of the questions that has sat with me from the interview was "In 2011, one year after you may have been in Kenya, what do you want to see". I said I want to see a waiting list jam packed of teams wanting to pour themselves to the fatherless-in Africa-in China-in South America-in their community.

If this interview can get more people motivated to cap their salaries and give the rest away to hurting people-for people to GO and take their families to other places to see that we, as Americans, are the minority in this world, then it is worth it to us.

What's next? TJ and I continue to press forward and be vulnerable. We are clay in the Potter's hand. We are ready for what is ahead. We step out in faith.

Jesus, you are higher than all circumstances, your promise stands, your love for all to see. You are Higher than our protest lines, and dollar signs, Your love is all we need. Fill our hearts with your compassion. God, be the solution. We will be your hands and be your feet.

2 comments:

Michelle H. said...

Beautiful...very well written...I love hearing your heart...

La Dolce Vita said...

What an inspiration. Your vulnerability is a gift. It clearly is one of the many ways that God is using you.